Getting Jessie to Answer Questions and Sit Down to Learn

[jnezmama02]

So, I've been slacking on hsing this "semester", but one of the frustrations I've been having is getting Jessie to answer questions or respond to instruction. For example, I know that she recognizes the numbers 1-5. When we're playing games, like Chutes & Ladders, she'll say "that's 5" on the spinning thing. But, if I point to a number, most of the time she won't answer or will just repeat the question back to me. Normally, I wouldn't care, but in all honesty it's getting hard to assess what she does and doesn't know.And, on top of that, since she'll most likely go to pre-K next year, I feel like learning to answer questions when asked is an important skill.  How do I get her to do this?

OTOH, Emily is more than willing to chime in anytime she knows something. She LOVES interacting w/ me on learning and seems so motivated. I'm just not getting that from Jessie and it's frustrating!

[JenBerry]

Jessie sounds very much like one of my two-yr-old's older sister.  Izzy is 5, and her teacher is all concerned because as far as she can tell Izzy doesn't know any of the letters of the alphabet.  Knowing Izzy, and the fact that she's been suspected of having Oppositional Defiance Disorder (she doesn't, she's just stubborn), I suspect that she just doesn't feel like doing what other people want her to do.  Seriously, her teacher (this is her first year teaching, btw) is all in a tizzy b/c she thinks Izzy doesn't have the knowledge, but at the same time when I walk by their artwork on the wall Izzy's is the only one who has her name written with good penmanship, in upper and lower case letters.  I KNOW she knows more than she's letting on.  Her mom is more laid back about it, saying that Izzy will figure it out for herself when she's going to get with the program, but I can also tell in her eyes that she's worried about her little girl, and how she's going to get on in the world if she's not willing to have that give-and-take relationship that learning requires.

I guess I don't really have any advice for you, other than to find more games like Chutes & Ladders that will allow you to evaluate her skill level.  I haven't specifically checked these stores for those sort of toys/games, but I know for sure they have lots of homeschool-style stuff:
www.youngexplorers.com
www.magiccabin.com
www.ttgo.com

Good luck!
Jen

[jnezmama02]

Thanks, Jen.  This is helpful to hear about Izzy. That's exactly how Jessie is. She's VERY stubborn and will only do things when SHE wants to do them. Sometimes she's motivated to learn and to cooperate, but sometimes she just flat out refuses. When anyone like my mom or dad asks her questions, she looks away and refuses to answer. Obviously, I expect this w/ strangers...but w/ my mom who she's familiar w/, I would expect her to answer questions (how old are you? type questions). I was talking about this w/ DH today and he asked her to tell him what a number from a refrig. magnet was. She just looked at him and refused to answer. He pressed her and she ran into the other room. Then, she came back in and said "I'm too tired to answer. Numbers make me sleepy".  She says this anytime she doesn't want to do anything. It was the letter "3". She was just pointing that number out throughout the games we were playing this morning. So, it's not like she didn't know the number, she just didn't want to be bothered w/ questions. Like Izzy, Jessie is very smart, just very stubborn. She picks up an amazing amount of detail in the world, is extremely observant and has a sharp memory...she just doesn't cooperate much.  Unfortunately, I feel that cooperating and participating in conversations is a necessary skill in life and it really bothers me that she isn't able to do this at the most rudimentary level (which she should be able to do at this age).

Jen, if we do send her to pre-K next year, what's your recommendation as far as dealing w/ teachers? Should we tell the teacher this stuff beforehand or should we let the teacher witness this herself? On one hand, I don't want a teacher to not understand that this is a pattern and end up underestimating her abilities. OTOH, I don't want to get her "labeled" as uncooperative when she may, in fact, cooperate for a teacher in a school environment.

[JenBerry]

I would hope that most preschools would have an intake form where you could include stuff like that, and I would definitely mention it to the teacher.  Not as a warning, per se, but just in terms of "Jessie inherited my stubborn streak and doesn't always want to participate.  I'm hoping that's a special treat she reserves just for us, but in case it isn't I just wanted you to know that's her normal behavior.  I'd love to hear what kind of things you've done in the past when a child isn't interested in a certain project or activity?"  Not only does this get it "out there", but it allows you to evaluate whether you like a particular teacher's philosophy.  My hope would be that once Jessie is in school and sees how much fun all the other kids have participating, and how many strokes they get for doing so, that she would want some of that attention for herself.  On the other hand, she might just decide that those kids are sheep, and she has better things to do with her time.

I think the truth is that some kids are just born rebels.  I think my brother is somewhat like this, he's always had the attitude of "and I'm supposed to listen to you why???"  Having an overcontrolling father didn't seem to phase him a bit, whereas it squashed the hell out of me, because he was just like "fuck you, Dad."  He's a wonderful person, don't get me wrong, everyone loves him to bits, he just has no use for any authority but his own.  I think in the long run it's a really good trait to have, but I'm sure it's worrying for the parents of those kids.

Another thing to remember is that every child has quirks.  What is so strange and upsetting to you may be nowhere near the craziest thing her teacher has seen, ya know?  I would even say that you should try to find a teacher whose attitude is a very good natured "you want stories, I GOT stories!" when it comes to challenging kids.  Someone who isn't going to take it personally and therefor put her issues back on Jessie.  I think that's a big part of the problem with Izzy and her teacher, is that the teacher expects Izzy to care what she thinks, and Izzy doesn't, and that hurts her teachers feelings and leads to frustration b/c she can't "fix" Izzy.  I think Jessie would definitely benefit from an experienced, patient, good-humored teacher.  If that eventually ends up being YOU, then so much the better for Jessie.

Jen

[ShannonandDel]

Hope, I did get some of the books I ordered. I would recommend them all for you and your girls. I think if you really want to homeschool then Montessori would work well for you. It is stuff you can do with the new baby around and it won't put that "learning" pressure that Jessie seems to be have a problem with.
I put some quick reviews in another thread, and you could probably get them (the books, lol) from the library if you don't want to spend the $ yet. I did order them for pretty cheap on amazon.com though. I think they were all used

[jnezmama02]

Thanks, Shannon...I'll look into the list you gave.  Honestly, though, we've pretty much made the decision in the last week or so that we will send all our kids to public school. So, now, teaching Jessie this year is more for preparing her to go to school.  Luckily, we live in a pretty progressive district b/c the university is here w/ one of the better schools of education in the country. So, I'm not worried about quality of instruction or those types of things I might be in other districts.