Homeschooling = overprotective?

[JenBerry]

No, I don't think that, but it's a preconception I'm really struggling with.  My MIL especially seems to think that homeschooling is just a bizarre way to keep kids "in the nest" so that you don't have to let them grow up or something.  She doesn't seem to get that homeschooling could actually help Calvin grow into a more secure, more responsible, more independent child.  I shudder at the idea of letting that boy loose in a public elementary school, I can't imagine the insecurity he would feel and don't want to think about the ways he would have to find to cope.  I don't think HE is ready to leave the nest yet, if you judge by how completely and desperately attached he is to me.  But MIL doesn't seem to see this, or doesn't think it's as important as I do I guess.

Has anyone else had to deal with these sorts of misconceptions?  It sometimes makes me doubt myself, makes me wonder if I am giving him all the chances he deserves to feel competent and strong.  I don't even want to have him in the PreK class next year b/c they put so much emphasis on what they'll be doing "next year", but he seems to enjoy being in our preschool's small classes so I hesitate to take him out.  Argh!  This is so freakin' hard and conflicting!

Someone please knock some sense into me.

Jen

[jnezmama02]

Jen, we're grappling w/ the same issues here w/ Jessie. She is very shy around new people (actually think she might have social anxiety disorder), so the idea of making her go to school scares me (for her). She also isn't very independent; she clings to me all day (more so than Emily even). I still end up putting on her clothes for her, giving her a bath, help her brush her teeth, and she still co-sleeps. Honestly, in a lot of ways she still seems like a just turned 3yr old rather than a just turned 4yr old.  So, part of me wants to keep her at home next year to give her another year to mature before going off into the world. On the other hand, what I'm doing now...keeping her at home, seems to be doing very little good for her. It also seems like around 2.5yrs or so, she stagnated iin her social & emotional development for a good year.  I debated whether to send her to preschool this year, but it really just wasn't right b/c she wasn't potty trained and she was clearly not emotionally ready. However, she's now talking about WANTING to go to school. Also, when I try to "school" her, she seems more resistant to learning from me. She says "you're not my teacher, you're my mommy".  Sigh.  So, it just seems that maybe sending her to preschool will be the push she needs to catch up w/ her age group. But, I'm scared it's going to freak her out and cause more problems b/c she's never really been away from me. I feel like I'm going to pull my hair out b/c I have no idea which one is really better for her!!! OTOH, I know that Emily would be fine either in public school (she's more social and more secure being away from me) or at home (she's more cooperative and seems like she thrives on learning from me).

Oh, and on top of all of that...DH tells me I"m not very good at homeschooling b/c we haven't learned anything at home this year (as far as movement toward reading for Jessie). 



No advice, just sympathy here...

[ShannonandDel]

Jen, the people I have discussed it who thought I was nuts were usually people with kids in the school system right now. I have gotten a very defensive/aggressive vibe form them. Basically most of them have told me I was crazy and I was going to ruin Delaney and any future children.
On the other hand, My Parents, (Mom's a teacher at a magnet school, Dad's a principal for some societal unsavorys), My ILs, My Husband(another teacher) and my grandparents (who had five children and a ton of grand and great grandchildren) think it is a wonderful idea!
The more I research it the more I am positive that we are making the right decision!
I think that as parents we have to be protective of our children and do what seems right to us. Is she the kind of person who can be swayed by good information?
I think we have decided to go with a Montessori type curriculum, with just a splash of Waldorf thrown in.
As of right now Del is a very self motivated learner, and I would hate to see that ruined by sending her to school. lol

[Lily84]

i hope you guys dont mind me jumping in, i only have a june 06 baby but this topic caught my eye. i dont want to be an overprotectve mother, i really dont. i really and trul;y belive whole-heartedly that children need to go to school for social interaction. on the other hand, oh my, how it scares me of what he will learn at school from the other kids. i really belive that keeping your child at home for a few years to sort of build a secure foundation for them is not being over protective.

i grew up in a very religious family, my father was a minister. i went to public preschool, kindergarten, and grades 1-4. my mother was a teacher at ,y grade school, and taught 5th grade. by the time i was about to start 5th grade she was ready to keep me home and have me read comic books rather than go into 5th grade in public school. those kids were so "bad". i went  into a tiny private christian school in 5th grade and my mother got a job there too. i think my mom following me to school was being overprotective, lol. by 8th grade she pulles me out of school and homeschooled me for a year. during the year i was homeschooled i attended programs for homeschooled children so that we had some ssort of social interaction, and took things there like music, art and drama classes together. i HATED being homeschooled, i was lonely and  that once a week interactionw ith other kids just wasnt enough. my parents sent me to public highscool. i was bad in highschool. i did everything that we DO NOT want our children to do. i was very innocent at first but it didnt tak me long to catch up to the other kids. now all i  can think of is how the average age to loose virginity is now 14 yrs old, and that by the time i graduated highscool (2002) most of the freshman coming in had already lost it. not to mention, alcohol, smoking and drugs inthose 14 yr olds as well. if i, coming from  a sheltered, religious, homeschooled background did as much bad stuff as i did, what am i going to be in for if i start my son out in private school from the start??? oh lordy, i dont even want to imagine.

so for me, i think that itis not a matter of not wanting to let them go, or being protective, but i really belive that like pp said we need to spend the extra time building up a good strong foundation for them before exposing them to all the things that we cannot control. no matter what our children are going to do things that make us cringe to think about, but i hope that by holding him back a while i can help him learn what kind of person he is, when he is most influencable( if that is even a word) i dont want some weirdo kid that i dont know miolding him into the boy that he is going to become. at the age when our children are starting pre k, yes social interaction is SO important, but i think we can give them just enough social interaction from church, play groups, parks, whatever, i dont want to leave it up to starngers to teach him about life. if that is over protective, then i am happy to say that i am. we all just want what is best for them.

[ShannonandDel]

Hope, do you have any programs  through a church (I know you don't go to one ) or that a friend could reccomend for you to try Jessie in for a few hours a week? There are so many different styles of preschools, and while we probably aren't going to be sending Delaney to public school, we might get her into something like this when we move, through our church, mostly to get to know the families with kids. You seem so torn
Jessie might suprise you and be ready, but if she isn't, at least you would know that she isn't. And if she isn't, you can explain to her that if she doesn't want to go to school, then you are going to be her Mommy and her teacher.
Like I said before, I have been thinking about what direction we want to go, and I think we are going with Montisorri. It is child led, which you might be more comfortable with if she isn't dealing well with traditional teaching. I just ordered a mess of books about it. If any are particularly helpful I will let you know. lol.

[JenBerry]

Liz, the great thing about homeschooling in my area is that there are SO many families who do it.  There's a homeschool center that has wonderful curricula and enough families go there that it's a sort of mini-school.  They get tons of interaction and opportunities to learn in a different environment.  We also have enough sports organizations that have nothing to do with schools that I feel confident about getting him into activities that teach cooperation, and our local art and science museums also have homeschool classes.

One of my main reasons for homeschooling is that I can have more of a guiding hand with him, and the other parents are around, too, so I know that all the kids are being watched over.  God love public school teachers, but they just cannot possibly give my kids the guidance I think they need/deserve, and I'm not willing to allow my child to be one who "falls through the cracks".  I've seen too many times how the squeaky wheel gets the grease, and teachers spend all their time trying to work with a few select children who are either way ahead or way behind, and the "average" kids just get overlooked.  I will not just roll over and accept that, which is unfortunately what I think most people expect me to do.  I can't count the number of times I've heard from people that "oh, you just have to let kids be kids", when they're referring to bullying, teasing, and other school politics.  Sorry, no, I'm not going to raise my child to think that teasing or bullying is just something that happens, I'm going to raise him to know it's wrong and unkind and not something to be put up with (either as the perp or the victim).  I think I can teach him those lessons most effectively when I have more knowledge of his surroundings. 

It probably does look overprotective, but like you I think that protecting him is a large part of my job.  I am NOT a minister (LOL) and I don't see myself "sheltering" my children.  I try very hard not to protect them (ok, at this point it's just my 4 yr old) from reality by lying or sugarcoating the truth.  But therein lies another reason for homeschooling: I don't see school as "reality".  I've always said that I'd like to meet the idiot who invented high school, who thought it was a good idea to put several hundred teens in a confined space with only one teacher per 25, and then let them sort themselves out at the most dramatically emotional time of their lives.  I feel like high school especially does our adults a disservice and teaches them a very inappropriate way of interacting with each other.  How many times have we been in a job (or on BabyCenter) and wondered "how did I suddenly end up back in high school"  I'd rather just skip that mess and raise my children with respect for themselves and others.

If anyone is interested, here's the link for our local homeschool center.  You can also "umbrella" under church schools, in fact you're required to choose some school to be your umbrella, but I prefer the secular variety: http://home.hiwaay.net/~bacons4/tvhc/toc.html

Jen

[moogie]

Liz, in some ways it sounds like you may have had too sheltered an upbringing which may have caused some regrettable things later on.  all in moderation i say.  we will be homeschooling and i don't see it as overprotection, i just see it as protection, guidance and appropriate education in their formative years.  I've heard parents say its good to throw your kids in with the good and the bad kids because thats life, but to me that feels like giving your 1yr old a container with spoons and sharp knives in that they don't have the knowledge to choose what is best, safest etc.  when they are a little older they can learn how to use spoons and knives appropriately but not when they're one.  does this make sense.  i foresee that we'll homeschool till highschool and see what happens from there.

anyone who will be public schooling please don't take this the wrong way.  I think how we turn out has a lot to do with how we are parented as to how we interact at school.

[Lily84]

yeh i agree with you. i told dh last night that i want to homeschool for sure, we had only talked about it a tiny bit before. ithink my parents sheltered me WAY TOO MUCH. i am like you i will homeschool and just see how it goes as to when they will go to school, i also will probably opt for private school. in comparison, i really fell through the cracks in public school.