So where is everyone at with disipline?

[ShannonandDel]

Now that all of our Dec babies are getting more independent and sassy, what are you all doing.
We mostly ask her to stop/help/get down, etc. completely expecting her to do it. Crazy I know. A lot of the time it works. When it doesn't she get's  a stern "Delaney" and that works sometimes. Lately though we have been getting a lot of "Why?" and when we give her a reason she says "Why?" to that and it can go on FOREVER! Usually that just gets silly and we end up cracking up and the original problem is forgotten. I am not sure how effective that is. lol.

Sometimes she just wants her way though, and nothing works. If she doesn't want to hear no then nothing will keep her from melting down. She will stop, but she will through a fit. When she does that, we have been telling her that she needs to go lay on her bed until she is done. Now she just goes and lays on her bed.....and if we do try to comfort her she tells us that she wants to cry and to " go way, leave me on mine own" after about a minute she comes out and says "I was sad"

We still redirect occaisionally, but not that often.

Besides this, we don't really disipline. After reading the spanking thread on BCC, I wonder if there is something we are missing. Of course we aren't going to spank, but I didn't realize there was such a need for disipline at this age. Delaney is a very spirited little girl, She has a TON of energy and wants to be into everything, but the above seems to work pretty well.

What are you all doing? This is a question for everyone on this board, even those without a Dec '04 baby

[JenBerry]

It's funny, not in a ha-ha way, but I find that I have so much less time for gentle discipline this time around, and I expect Nigel to be much more voice-led than Calvin was.  Not that that's fair to him or the right way to do it, but I find that we still spend so much more energy on Calvin!

That said, Nigel really is an easygoing kid who usually doesn't need anything but redirection, but he's so fast that he'll often run off and get into trouble before I've even found where he went!  Boy, that makes me sound like a real attentive mama, doesn't it?  But most of the issues I have with him are when we're at school, so he's in a room with 5 other (older) kids, and I'm trying to keep them all on the same page.  Well, Nigel will just as soon stop in the middle of the hallway as follow us to the music room, or he'll dash into another classroom or the bathroom.  With Calvin I would have gone back and calmly taken his hand and walked him to where I need to be, but with 5 other kids to watch it's more often that I run back, snatch him up, and trot back before I'm missed by the others.  Problem is I get in that "school mode" with him and I forget how to be softer about getting him to meet my expectations.

I've been saying for a while now that I thought we'd be starting time-outs soon, but I think in reality I just need to get off my ass and not expect him to do it all just b/c I said so.

Jen

[kokonutmama]

Wow, I'm suprised how advanced Delany is.  I still often redirect Kody.  I do tell him what to do, expecting him to do it, often as well, mostly I try to do that in an impowering way, like I know you can do this and be helpful, so I'm not even going to watch.  I must have told him "close the refridgerator, Kody, it's wasting energy" and then turned my back a hundred thousand times, and he has only actually done it on his own a few times.  The fridge is just too fun to play in, I guess.

I say "no" and "you may not" and "let's not be wasteful."  In some cases, he'll do something, like stand on his tricycle to get into the snack drawer, then see that I've seen him and say, "Mommy, noooo," and get down by himself.

Lately, like this past week, he's been just bonkers, and I've been super duper tired.  this has happend before, and I have yet to figure out which is the cause and which is the effect.  I even said last night that I try to be stern and kind, but at times like these, I only have the energy for one or the other.  Usually I pick kind, but there have been some cases of mean mommy lately. 

Some things we still make jokes out of.  I guess it's like redirection, something better suited to younger kids, but still works for us.  he's not allowed to open my desk drawers.  i told him that if he opens them, the papers inside will fly out.  so if he forgets and opens one, I slam it shut and shake it and say, "whew, they're trying to fly out, help me hold it shut!!"  we laugh and he finds scraps of paper to put "back" in.

He understands the word "annoying" and knows we try not to do certain things, like shaking the dinner table, that are annoying.

Natural consequences are starting to come into play.  If you want to leave the table before mommy's done eating, you have to play by yourself for a while.  If you pinch mommy's boobie you go down on the floor.  If you make a big mess you clean it up.  If you throw sand you have to leave the digger area.  If you say "holy crap!" everybody laughs.  lol, hmm, that one doesn't work, does it?

[moogie]

ok, i don't have time to post about this right now, but i'm really glad this thread was posted.  Its good to see how others do it(and how we all lose our cool sometimes.).  I'll either post today or in the New Year. 

[vbsmith]

I like to slap and hit.  Well, it's what is best for my family so don't judge.

[vbsmith]

Ok seriously.  I'm still in the redirection mode.  I understand that we are starting to grow out of that phase now and that's why I've ordered the 123 Magic Book!  I should be getting it in the mail either today or Tuesday!  Yay!  Hopefully, it will shed some light on what I'm supposed to be doing. 

[moogie]

Vera, Simple yet to the point.   i got toddler 411, which has some magic 123 stuff in it.  that book has some good points but are a little mainstream too.  i'm adapting what i like from it. 

Well, heres where we're at.  We're letting a lot more slide lately and its working for us.  some things tho we're taking action on.  Biting, kicking  are redirected.  we put her in her room away from us and hand her a book.  this is working well.  She understands it and doesn't get riled up, just sits and read.  biting has decreased.  We don't make a big deal of it.  

When she does inappropriate things like screaming when Asha is going to sleep. i tell her about loud voice and quiet voice nd when to use them and if she continues being loud, I take her outside and say she can be loud out there.  she protests a little but then is fine. no crying.  She is crying less now too.

We just let Charlie have her meltdowns after we try to reason with her, its amazing that reasoning is actually working.

[JenBerry]

Yeah, I'll just go ahead and tell y'all the consensus we came up with on Calvin's birth board.  It was that, discipline-wise, two was a breeze; very easy to redirect, eager to please mum and dad, can be "playfulled" out of just about any snit, etc.  Then THREE hits and suddenly they don't care if they make you happy, they stop listening to reason, and any attempts at discipline are met with drama the likes of which you have never seen.  Then they turn 4 and everything's cool again.

Good luck with the 123 Magic stuff, I think it's really great when you get to that point.  I bought the original Positive Discipline yesterday and want to get dh to read some of it.  He's so into punishment and doesn't seem to see that there can be other ways.  His automatic response when one punishment doesn't work is to come up with a bigger one, and frankly all this just results in a mad Calvin who isn't learning anything except how to try to get out of trouble.  Shit, this stuff is hard!

Off to Xmas party, everyone have a good day!
Jen

[jnezmama02]

I agree w/ Jen, 3yrs was a much bigger challenge than 2yrs w/ Jessie.  Now, at 4yrs, Jessie will pretty much do or not do whatever I tell her, she just whines about not getting her way. Whining is our biggest issue right now. Jen or Annie, any help w/ stopping the whining...it's getting SO annoying?

As far as Emily, I've had to give time outs a few times now for things like biting and such when she's continued to do them beyond warnings. But, so far, she's been pretty easy. Jessie seemed tougher at this age, but I think it was b/c 1. Jessie has a more stubbon personality than Emi has, 2. We didn't have our "rules" and "consequences" set in place w/ Jessie...we were discovering them as we went along but w/ Emily they're already set so it's easier, and 3. I've been thru this stage and worse w/ Jessie, so this seems easier now.

I just reread what I wrote and it sounds like Jen and I might be belitting the challenges everyone is going thru at this stage. Sorry for that, don't mean ot. Oh, man...I bet Annie could really tell us about having it easy now and how hard the teenage years are. I am SO scared about those years...

[skeettafic]

I know this isn't what you want to hear  but Jocelyn continues to be very 'easy' in the discipline area.  She very rarely does things that are inappropriate/dangerous (i.e. she never climbs unless it is on a chair, she doesn't put things in her mouth, no biting and no hitting, she never touched our Christmas tree or the presents under it unless she came and got me and asked to see an ornament, etc) so we haven't had to do much in this area and we've tried to stick to natural consequences as much as possible.  What little bit of 'discipline' we do use is following a loose form of 1 2 3 Magic and it works well.  One night Jocelyn was playing in her room and was refusing to turn out her light which she always does before she gets into bed so I said "Mommy is going to count to 3 and then she is going to turn out the light".  I got to 3 and turned out the light and she had a bit of a tantrum but it was less than 30 sec and she now turns her light out because she doesn't want me to.  I know, not major stuff but that's all we have going on right now - the day to day things.

The biggest problem we do have is her running away from me.  Luckily she only does it in enclosed spaces like a store or a restaurant and never outside.  She always holds hands in parking lots and outside but she gets a big kick out of having me chase her through a store so if anyone has any ideas on that I would love to hear them!

And I'm sure I totally jinxed myself and Jocelyn is going to wake up tomorrow, climb the dresser, call the cat names and bite me all before breakfast!