What to do for Charlie?

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February 09, 2012, 05:53:55 AM

babies, babies everywhere!!! no news today.

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Latest Member: knodiaunloari

Ok, Charlie seemed to be adapting well to big sisterhood until last night. Adrienne and Kody flew back to the states on Wednesday and Tristan went to work last night so I was with Asha and Charlie by ourselves. Asha was on a feeding frenzy and so i couldn't play with Charlie. She absolutely broke down, spluttering and crying that i ended up calling MIL to come round. What am i supposed to do to keep her happy. I don't want to rely on the tv which has turned back on in our house. i try to encourage c to play on the couch while i feed Asha, but its just not happening well. I feel so bad for either of them when i have to give one of them attention over the other, but its reality and Tristan does help out a fair bit.

So any suggestions? MIL is a great help with minding c but i don't want to do that too often.

i cant even imagine how i wouls manage with a new born and maddox. i dont know what charlie is like , maddox is very impatient so i know reading him a story whilst i was feeding the baby would probably not work well... but would charlie enjoy sitting with you whilst you feed a readng a story or doing something quiet like playing with a toy together... having cuddle time?

it has worked a couple of times reading her a book whilst bfing but she has to be in the mood for it. She will play by herself for a little while but when Asha really needs to be cuddled for an hour it becomes tough

Totally BTDT!! It does take a lot of adjustment for everyone when there's a new baby in the house. First, realize that Charlie is probably partially reacting to Kody and Adrienne not being there. She's probably sad about losing her playmate.

I think the big thing is anticipating needs and doing as much before it's really needed. So, for example, I would also anticipate when I thought Emily would want to nurse or sleep (took a while to figure out her pattern). A little bit before this time, I'd put Emily in the bouncy seat on the floor while Jessie and I played on the floor for at least 20-30min (also tried to interact w/ Emily some too when she was awake too, obviously). I found that if I gave Jessie this direct one-on-one time between times that Emily needed me, it helped her be able to play on her own when I did need to nurse/cuddle Emily. (Luckily, Emily was pretty easy going baby and actually liked the bouncy).

Then, right before the nurse/sleep time, I'd make sure to give everyone a diaper change, go to the bathroom myself, and get myself and Jessie a refill on our drinks...so that I didn't have to get up as much/at all during our nursing time. Sometimes, I'd make Jessie a snack and then just nurse at the table while she ate and then walk to the couch while nursing when she was done (didn't bother cleaning up dishes until later). Also, I kept a basket of books, toy, coloring books & crayons by the couch where I nursed/held Emily while she slept. Jessie would often sit beside me playing while I nursed Emily, sometimes I'd read to her, and sometimes I'd color w/ her (nurse w/ one hand, color w/ the other). Also, I often would set Emily beside me after she went to sleep, and then held Jessie in my lap for the rest of the time Emiily napped. This would be our snuggle time. Finally, we do keep the tv on in our house, pretty much most of the time (a bad habit, I know). Anyway, it did help Jessie. But, she's not the kind to just sit and watch tv idly...she'd play w/ toys on the floor while she watched tv...usually acting out what's going on in the show. Also, we have lots of "active" toys around in the house...things that aren't the type that they need someone to play w/ but keep them busy (ie small doll stroller to push, pretend vacuum, boll poppers, etc). After playing with me on the floor in more of sit-down play, Jessie often was ready to get up and move around (which she would happily do by herself). ''

On a final note, have you tried buying a few new toys for Charlie? Maybe she'd be more likely to play by herself if she had something new. I know Emily is totally fascinated by our play kitchen and doll strollers right now. She also loves this little rocking fish thing (like a rocking horse, but low to the ground).

I hope this helps you w/ some ideas. I know it's not fun right now b/c you feel like they both are missing out. I was so there. I still don't have it all balanced yet, but it does get easier as they both get older.

Good luck!! hug

That's gotta be tough. I agree with Hope that all of the sudden changes with Kody and Adrienne being gone is probably playing a big role in this. I really like the idea of some new toys that she could play with. Maybe a small basketful that only get pulled out when you know you're really going to be tied up with Asha. And I don't think that a kids show would be horrible as a last resort if Charlie isn't accepting any other options you are giving her. Is Charlie into coloring at all. Any time I have paperwork or something that has to be done I can set Jocelyn up with her colors and get a good 20-30 minutes out of her. I hope some of this helps!

What a lot of changes for Charlie. She is probably feeling a little abandoned right now, with Addrienne, Kody leaving and her Daddy being at work. I think maybe if MIL is willing to help out for a few weeks in entertaining Charlie, then you guys can gradually cut back it might help a lot. She was the center of attention with a whole mess of adults doting on her and the a lot changed in a pretty short period of time for her. It might be nice to have some special time with MIL while you spend some needed bonding time with Asha. I would totally be taking advantage of my MIL in that situation. It doesn't have to be forever, but I can't imagine taking care of a newborn and Delaney right now.

anyway, that's my 2 cents. It will all work out. pink flower

Thanks everyone, I'm going to give the colouring in thing a go. Charlie is quite the little student and likes to sit at her table and do specific things. She seems to like set task play. things will get better i know.

*sigh* Hope, you make it sound sooooo easy! heart

Megs, I have a couple thoughts. First, I agree that TV isnt so bad if you really need it sometimes. We havent had it on for G yet, but Ive decided that Id be ok with using it if I had a new baby and it worked! Also, take advantage of MIL as much as possible. Charlie Im sure loves seeing her, and definitely appreciates someone being focused on her like only a grandparent can!

Anyway good luck! Sounds like nursing is going good, and this stage is so short. Remember get through those first 90 days! It will fly by.

Quote from: Karen + Greta on July 08, 2006, 12:12:13 PM

*sigh* Hope, you make it sound sooooo easy! heart

hahahaha...it took me a while to figure it all out. I did ok taking care of the both kids most of the time and giving them attention...it was the housework that suffered a lot the first year (and caused a lot of strife w/ DH). If you remember, a lot of my posts on here have been about how to clean better, more efficient, get chores done, cook more efficient, etc. For some reason, it's this last element that had me thrown. It's a lot easier now that Emily is 18mos and Jessie is 3.5yrs. My house is cleaner (still not where I'd like it to be, but better) and I've got a basic routine.

Megs, I agree w/ Jessica & Karen that a little bit of tv now and then is ok. Maybe have a specific time of day for half an hour or something where you have it on for her while you nurse (if Asha has a predictable time yet that she needs more cuddling). Have you tried something like Baby Einstein or something along those lines that is more "educational"? They have some for older babies that work on vocabulary which is nice...identifying animals and such. Quite cute. Also, it's nice for kids to get a little silly w/ the Wiggles or such.

Ok...that's all I've got for now. I'll try to think up some more...

This must be so hard for you. My mom's no help, apparently I just sat in a chair and read books while she dealt with my brother. (we're 18 months apart too, or something like that) I agree that "MIL" seems quite willing to help out and Charlie enjoys her time with Grandmama. Maybe if she (mil) would come over to your place C wouldn't feel like you were shipping her off in favor of the new model. hug

Well I've started bing more organised. I cooked a pie last night while both kids were awake. Quite proud of myself for that. Didn't even turn the tv on. I've been using it for about an hr or 2 each day which i want to cut back on.

It was so strange last night though without Tristan, and with me looking after the two kids but it went well.

I am right there with you. I want to cut back on TV too, but sometimes it is the ONLY thing that will occupy Claire when I really need to take care of Anja. Claire is not much for playing "on her own" - she wants me to be interacting with her all the time. She's getting a bit better at this and will play imaginary things with her toys now on her own for brief stints, but in general she wants my full participation which is not easy with a newborn!

This has been so much harder than I expected. I end up feeling like I'm being a bad mom to Claire, which makes me feel terrible. Sad

Things have gotten a bit better over the past few days, mostly thanks to the fact that I bought a Moby Wrap and now have my hands more free to help Claire while holding Anja (who never wants to be put down, HATES the bouncy seat and is a marathon BF'er). Thank goodness for that wrap.

I loved my wrap when Del was a little baby! She liked it better than a sling too. Hey Megs, wanna borrow one?

i think i'm going to buy some material and make a wrap myself. what kind of material do i need, Slings are good but just not practical for doing dishes.

Renne, I end up feeling like a bad mom with charlie too. We'll jst have to get over that, we know we're not bad mothers, its just hard when we can't give them as much attention as we used to.

Oh, exciting news, we have a toaster. its a four slice toaster. It is so cool, we've been using the grill everyday for 3 months, so this is very exciting. Adrienne, it has a special function for crumpets.

Megs, this is a great site for home made babywearing!

http://www.mamatoto.org/

Congrats on the new toaster. Don't you love getting new stuff? baboon