Needing Personal Space

[jnezmama02]

This is one of the areas of AP that I'm having/have had a tough time dealing with..."balance" between kids and personal time/space. I don't know about anyone else, but I've had a serious need for some "personal space" lately. IRL, I'm the only parent I know who was still bfing, cosleeping (for bedtime and naps), co-bathing (yep, both kids and I were taking baths together), and generally around their kids 24/7 (no working, no activities w/o kids, and no babysitter). DH hardly ever watches the kids by himself and MIL is the only babysitter we ever have...and she's not been visiting quite as frequently as before.  It's a catch-22 I'm in. DH says the kids cry for me if I'm not there,  and therefore it's not fair to them for me to be away until they're ready; but, having him watch the kids for short amounts of time is the only way to get them "used" to me being away, so I can get some personal time (I need a break!!). 

This was actually the status of last week, until I implemented the following plan to help get some personal space. It seems to be helping.

Here's my plan:
1. Stop co-napping and get Emily to consistently nap on the matress on the floor. She's been doing this for a while now, but I need to make it more consistent and work w/ her to nap longer (right now she wakes up after  45-60min to nurse and then naps the rest of the time in my arms).

2. When MIL visits, make a point to get out of the house by myself. The kids don't seem to cry when she's with them and it is the perfect time for me to do those things I can't do w/ kids in tow (ie clothes shopping, meeting friends for lunch out, etc).

3. Stop co-bathing.  I started this last week. I bath Jessie and Emily together. But, I take a shower by myself before hand. This requires DH to watch them for 20min each time while I take a shower & get dressed. They fuss a little bit, but seem to be getting used the idea. It also seems to be making bed time routine smoother since Emily has been getting really cranky at the end of my shower b/c she's ready to go to sleep.  It just gives me a little bit of time to de-stress by myself at the end of the day.

4. Work on weaning. Emily was nursing every 2hrs during the day and it was really getting on my nerves and I was feeling very "tied down".  I'm been working on her to drink from her sippy cup instead.  I plan on gradually weaning her completely over the next 4-6 weeks.  I know this is controversial here, but I think it's what is best for us at this point.  I've posted more on the lacation location forum.

5. Work to get the kids into their own room. I've talked about this before, but I plan on putting two twin mattresses together on the floor for them to share.  I think this will be the hardest to do and is really more of a "long-term" goal to bring some sanity back to my house. I think this will be helpful for both my sanity/need to de-stress at the end of the day and for DH and my relationship. 

What things are you guys doing to make sure you have some personal time/space?

[ShannonandDel]

I go to work for 8 1/2 hours a day
I don't recommend it.
I know that Jesse is a pretty shy little girl, but have you considered on finding a babysitting co-op type situation. Something where you watch someones child for a few hours and then they watch yours. maybe if you have some playdates to get kids used to each other and you get to know the moms. I am not sure how you would go about meeting them. We are in a pretty small town and seem to know a ton of kids and moms.

[skeettafic]

I go to work for 8 1/2 hours a day
I don't recommend it.

Yep!  Though I don't work full time I work between 20-25 hours a week so I get a good deal of time out of the house.  The nice thing is that on Thursdays I have a 2 hour break in my day where I usually don't see anybody but I'm not going to pick Jocelyn up for that short period of time so I can go to lunch with friends or shop or go get coffee or go back to the house and do laundry.  And I do enjoy my showers on days that DH is home and I actually get to shut the bathroom door!  Those tend to be really long showers!

[kokonutmama]

I'm not sure how to help you, we're in a similar boat (with only one kid, though, so napptimes are "mine") I want to hear others' suggestions.

[moogie]

MIL sees and looks after c pretty often so i get a fair bit of me time, so i don't know how i'd feel if she wasn't around to do that.  I don't really have many suggestions.  You seem to have quite a list of things to help you get more time, don't feel disheartened if all of them are too much to do at one time.  Like weaning, seperating from co napping and change of room might be too much at one time for you and the kids.  Just do what feels right.  I hope i make sense.

Personally i love my co showering/bathing time with Charlie.  I used to hate it but she's so much more independant now.