Pros and cons of CLW

[kokonutmama]

Child Led Weaning... What do you all think?

[moogie]

having a child who gave up on the boob early, its hard for me to say what it'd be like. these are some pros and cons but not necessarily ones i feel strongly about.

pros,
you're not denying them
that bond that mummys there for them(though i do think there are other ways other than the breast)

cons,
feeling like they will be on there forvever
comments from society
awkward moments


does this help?

[kokonutmama]

Sure it helps.  I thought it would be a good conversation to have, more than anything.  Not that I won't benefit directly.  I've been spending time on Mothering.com and they have a whole board for CLW.  It goes a lot longer than I thought... One lady has in her sig that her dd self-weaned at 7.5 years old.  5-6 years is nothing to blink at over there.  It does make me think that mommy-lead weaning may be in our future.

some to add to the list:

Pros...
sense of controll for the kid
convenient nutrition
none of the hassles of mommy weaning

Cons...
Bfing is time consuming
Harder in the preschool and school years to cope without mom
if they don't night wean, mom can't go out at night.

[jnezmama02]

I think that CLW is one of those things that sounds good in theory, but is really hard to do in practice. It's really hard for 95% of the moms to let it be totally the child's lead. I think most moms who say they CLW actually in practice do more of "gentlly guided weaning"....meaning, no cold turkey, no bad comments, but lots of encouragement to drink out of a cup rather than on the boob ("hey, why don't you show me how you can drink out of your cup" type thing). OTOH, I think people who wean at 7.5yrs are a BIG exception to the rule...and I honestly think most of the time these kids are gently "encouraged" to continue, which I also don't think is a good thing for them developmentally. A 6yr old SHOULD want to not nurse anymore.

[moogie]

ok, as far as i know the majority of parentals in nature, like cats for example wean their babies, they don't let their babies decide. ok yes we are humans not wild animals but i personally think that gentle parent led weaning is ok.  preferrably IMO after 2 yrs of age.

[kokonutmama]

I agree with both megs and hope, absolutely.  So far.  In my first reaction, really extended nursing (past 3 years) is a "mommy as doormat" or "eternal infant" thing. (I may be exagerating, but I'm in a hurry...) I can't imagine that once Kody is 4 he won't pick up on the fact that we'd both be better off if he'd quit the boob.  But my first reaction to EC was not positive either and that worked out really well for us, once I gave it a chance.  megs, I know that your mil did clw to a pretty big extent, what reasons has she given?

[JenBerry]

I don't know, I think there's "child-led weaning" and then there's "not extending" bf.  Even though I was pg when Calvin weaned, and therefor my body DID have a part in the equation, he essentially weaned himself b/c he decided there just wasn't enough to bother with.  He started nursing one bedtime, tried about 5 sucks, then rolled over and stuck his paci in to go to sleep.  And yes, I think having a paci made it much easier for him to be unemotional about the boob, especially when I consider his reaction to us NOT following CLW with the paci.

With Nigel, he was still happily nursing at bedtime most nights, but only for a few minutes before my milk supply ran out and it became uncomfortable.  He also had a few nights when dh put him to sleep, and Nigel did no more fussing than he had with me on those nights when the boob ran out.  So we thought what the heck, let's give the kid a chance and see if he's at one of those points where he can wean without any fuss.  I decided that at 2 yrs old I was willing to give him a few nights of dh putting him to bed and see what happened, knowing that if he indicated a true need we could go right back to it.   He asked for nursies a couple of mornings, and once at bedtime on the 2nd or 3rd day, and I did nurse him at those times without hesitation.  But then he stopped asking, and when I put him to bed a week later he didn't ask at all.  2 yrs and 1 month, give or take a few days.

Anyway, I think that even though we didn't really practice CLW with Nigel, we weaned in the most gentle way possible.  I feel like we followed the cues that he wasn't getting so much from the bf anymore, gave him a chance to do without and see how he reacted, and yet fulfilled the need if he indicated it.  Had he kept requesting I would have kept nursing him, but having dh in charge of his bedtime meant ds didn't request it.

Jen

[moogie]

Honestly I would like to understand CLW past 3 yrs of age(though i don't know what age i would feel comfortable bfing till).  does anyone have a link.  Perhaps i would be ok with bfing my 3 yr old in private, like a special thing between us, but i would feel uncomfortable in public. 

dh was bf'd till about 3 yrs but i don't know the situation exactly.

[JenBerry]

Honestly, I haven't bf Nigel in public since he was probably 18m, and didn't bf Calvin in public much past that age, either, unless I was actually at a LLL mtg or something.  Once they got to that age it was just a "private" thing for us, or at least a homebase thing.  At that age I was much more willing to say "you can have nursies when we get home", but honestly I can't even remember when they would have asked.  Certainly not Nigel, he was never a comfort nurser after he started walking, whereas Calvin was.  But even Calvin, my dedicated boob-lover, could be held off until we got home.  I don't see bf a 3 yr old as, in most cases, being anything more than the occasional light snack here and there, or maybe a nap- and bedtime kind of thing.  I'm sure there are others who've bf their 3 yr olds much more than that, but with most of the women I know it's down to minimal levels by then.

Jen

[Lily84]

i'm still nursing shane on demand at 18 months. i don't care to stop, neither does he. but sometimes it makes me sad that he won;t accept other sources of comfort other than the boob. when he is sad, hurt, mad, tired, bored or any other emotion, all he wants is boob. mommy giving hugs and kisses and cuddling never works. it makes me feel like he is only attached to my breasts and not me... anyone feel that way?? if dh comforts him by hugging/kissing/snuggling it makes it all better.

[moogie]

I still breastfeed Asha most of the time and i went through her only wanting the boob to comfort her.  I got sick of the night time feeds and started to deny her a feed and offer a cuddle instead and though she resisted(of course) she soon started to accept comfort in other ways.  I do think it can be a good thing to gently offer other ways to comfort.  I wasn't cruel.  if she genuinely needed milk to get back to sleep then i'd feed her but if she didn't object majorly to my denying her then it was great.  when she is sick is still feed at any time at night but when she's not sick she knows a hug will do.  I still think we will do CLW, but i think in about 6 months i will try to not offer it and wait for her to ask for it.

[kokonutmama]

Lily, I think you'll find less than a year from now that Shane is in deed attached to you as a person and the boobs are a great bonus for him.  A year ago I felt a lot like you said in your post, but now it's very clear... in fact, just now, k came to sit on my lap while I'm typing and I kissed his cheek and he said "I love you."  Also, today, I actually offered k the boob when he hadn't asked for it because I felt like it would be good for both of us.  My point is, I know how you feel and felt much the same, probably, and now that ds is older our relationship has evolved so I am so glad we still nurse, I don't feel like he only loves me for my boobs, and I don't feel like he's going to be nursing through high school. 

[Lily84]

i do try to always give him hugs and cuddles before nursing him, i guess it will just take some more time for him to recognize that as good enough. i am sooooo ready to night wean, and have been trying to do it gently for a long while now. i always try to cuddle and soothe him back to sleep but it just doesnt work. i tried giving him a bottle of whole milk instead thinking that i could over time switch to water and show him it wouldnt be worth it, but then i realized i  dont want him to need a bottle all night that is even harder than nursing him... when he wakes up i rub his back a shhhhh him and rarely it works, he gets pretty mad pretty fast. so the next thing i do is go ahead and nurse him but make it an odd angle or something so he isnt comfy and cant fall back asleep. that i have been doing for a couple weeks now, he nurses shortly and then rolls back over. i guess it seems to be getting better, i am just so done with it right now! i do really enjoy nursing him during the day it just makes me sad when he gets hurt or mad and nothing else i can do helps.